Slipping...

My grades are slipping. My weekly weight fluctuations are worrisome. My study habits are disintegrating. My period is late.

I need to be in control of my life like I used to be. I thought I was living "normally:" I had...
"normal" grades: all A's
"normal" weight: 105-113
"normal" social life: 4 best friends

I was wrong.

Now, I am "normal," and I hate it.
Normal grades: B's
Normal weight: 126
Normal social life: lots of friends plus a f-buddy.

I can't live like this anymore.

Things need to change and I am the only person who can change them

I can be stressed and get A's or I can be upset (have "fun"- grey's anatomy...?) And get B's. NOT OK.

Let's fix this thing. Now.

Life!!!

What is this?? All I want to do is be able to relax. I'm so nervous about the future. Before, all I had to do was get good grades, but now I have to do so much more than that. Plus, I think I have a social life... What!? Hahaha

I've been having a lot of hip pain, and according to Chinese medicine, it comes from being nervous about moving forward in life. The hip moves you forward literally when you walk... the Chinese are so smart.

It's ok to have a friend with benefits, right? But what if I have a crush on his best friend? And what if I haven't gotten over my ex-friend with benefits? And what about those other two guys I'm flirting with? Whoopsies. I have an awful lot on my plate. Or maybe I'm just a flirt. Or maybe I'm just looking for external gratification. I'm gonna go with the last one.

The song "Keep Breathing" just started playing. Very appropriate.

Germophobia (or maybe not)

I dropped my birth control pill on the floor and I thought to myself, "Eat dirt or get pregnant. Come on, EAT THE DIRT!"

People are Stupid

Stupidity annoys me, and it's everywhere. It's a problem.

Feeling unwanted

You can't feel unwanted if you have never had someone want you. After you meet someone who shows that they always want you and you lose that, then (and only then) do you know what it feels like to feel unwanted. And then you feel it all of the time. Straight A's and good music don't make that go away. Knowing you're pretty and talented doesn't make that go away. Having friends doesn't make that go away. Eating doesn't make that go away, in fact, chocolate makes you feel worse, but you eat it anyways to fill the void.

STOP EATING- always the solution. Being skinny makes you wanted.