Drunk College Kids

Future kan I'm soooooo drunk to point worldd is s2i8mminvg will deeaswcribearty tomo9rrrow will slwwp up9on em Entrance to room. Fick if you want I wint remember toni8ght.

That's a text from my boyfriend's roommate in response to my boyfriend's text saying, "Where are you man?" At approximately 10 pm on a Saturday night. Oh, college.

Crossroads

What should I do? I have to make a huge decision.

Become a doctor? Work my ass off forever? Forever... I could have money and... wow. Is that the only perk? That, and occupational prestige?

Become a physical therapist? Be mediocre? I'm mediocre now, but I wasn't always that way.

Which one is me? Which am I supposed to be? Which one would I rather be? Which one is better?

Will I be the best at what I do no matter what it is? Or am I not that intelligent and motivated? I know I used to be.



I just spent 5 minutes talking to my reflection. The reflection is the enemy. I gave it a pep talk, and it understands that it is:
Fat.
Unmotivated.
Pathetic.
Indecisive.
FUCKING LAZY.

It's all going to change.

Why Can't I Change?

"You ask me how I'm doing, I would say I'm doing just fine. I would lie and say that you're not on my mind."

I need the old me back. Now.

I might fail a class, maybe two. Who does that? Not me. Definitely not me.

Mixed emotions. I have a boyfriend as of yesterday! :)

Regretting the Present, Wishing for the Past, and Anxious for the Future

All I want to do is go back to my old ways. There is a good chance that I'll fail TWO classes this semester and get a B in another one of my classes. That's an abomination.

I'm dating someone, which is good. Having an interest in 6 guys was too much to handle. Hence the horrible grades.

I'm losing weight! I'm also giving up on ballet entirely. I guess "hopeful ballerina" is a bad name for this blog now... I've lost all hope and I'm not a ballerina.

Bad Choices

I'm fat and failing.

High school secret truths

My recovering-anorexic/bulimic best friend from high school just drunk video chat dialed me...

Me: "well, now that I'm not skinny I can't date skinny guys."
Her recovering-anorexic (drunk) roommate: "Don't become anorexic. It's bad!"
My best friend: "Well, Alison's been there done that."

We've never talked about that before. It's the truth, and we both always knew it.

Getting Older

I'm no longer this little girl, wasting away at her desk existing on a diet of toast and watermelon, getting straight A's, and spending free time in ballet classes. Now I'm growing up, spending time on my appearance, eating foods that contain fat, flirting with half the guys I meet, and hoping I can manage A's.

Life changes. Go with it.