Crossroads

What should I do? I have to make a huge decision.

Become a doctor? Work my ass off forever? Forever... I could have money and... wow. Is that the only perk? That, and occupational prestige?

Become a physical therapist? Be mediocre? I'm mediocre now, but I wasn't always that way.

Which one is me? Which am I supposed to be? Which one would I rather be? Which one is better?

Will I be the best at what I do no matter what it is? Or am I not that intelligent and motivated? I know I used to be.



I just spent 5 minutes talking to my reflection. The reflection is the enemy. I gave it a pep talk, and it understands that it is:
Fat.
Unmotivated.
Pathetic.
Indecisive.
FUCKING LAZY.

It's all going to change.

Why Can't I Change?

"You ask me how I'm doing, I would say I'm doing just fine. I would lie and say that you're not on my mind."

I need the old me back. Now.

I might fail a class, maybe two. Who does that? Not me. Definitely not me.

Mixed emotions. I have a boyfriend as of yesterday! :)

Regretting the Present, Wishing for the Past, and Anxious for the Future

All I want to do is go back to my old ways. There is a good chance that I'll fail TWO classes this semester and get a B in another one of my classes. That's an abomination.

I'm dating someone, which is good. Having an interest in 6 guys was too much to handle. Hence the horrible grades.

I'm losing weight! I'm also giving up on ballet entirely. I guess "hopeful ballerina" is a bad name for this blog now... I've lost all hope and I'm not a ballerina.

Bad Choices

I'm fat and failing.

High school secret truths

My recovering-anorexic/bulimic best friend from high school just drunk video chat dialed me...

Me: "well, now that I'm not skinny I can't date skinny guys."
Her recovering-anorexic (drunk) roommate: "Don't become anorexic. It's bad!"
My best friend: "Well, Alison's been there done that."

We've never talked about that before. It's the truth, and we both always knew it.